ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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