I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
