I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
