Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
