hotel room ftw
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
