they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
