Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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