I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
