my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
