So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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