I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
