i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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