Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
