I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
