im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
