I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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