Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
