Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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