I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
