Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
