You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
