Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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