You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
