I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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