After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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