Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
