I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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