I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
smell my finger.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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