she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
