I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
