You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
