Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
