Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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