I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
