just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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