I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
