well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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