Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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