I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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