I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So squirting runs in the family.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
