dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize