Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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