i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
