I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
