i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
