I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
