I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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