great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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