Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
