I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
