I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
