A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize