ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
