i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
