There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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