Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
