i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
