walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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