THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
