if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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