We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
