what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
