I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
