careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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