She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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