WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
