Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
