I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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