if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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